Big Daddy Pharma working the Wall Street Corner

1950s-Come get your thalidomide! No morning sickness for you!….and don’t worry about losing your baby or deformities, at least we got rid of the morning sickness

1970s- buy USA made drugs, not that cheap Mexican shit. Get this cartel outta my turf; it’s a war–I mean, a war on drugs!

1980s-come get your oxy and xanax! Come get a fix for all your opioid needs!

1990s- we’ve got downers and now we’ve got plenty of uppers! Check out this Adderall and Ritalin! We even got scripts for your kids–A family friendly drug! We’re just making shit up now! You got a shaky leg, we got some shit for that!

2000s-Come get your flu vaccine! Got any year, any strain you want (but what I can’t tell you is that it’s all the same)! Get em while their hot! Get em before ya die, get em before you realize how fear mongaring works! Don’t worry about the side affects like autism; we didn’t do any research, why should you?!

Drug stores in Australia are called chemists. One Australian told me, “when I was in the U.S., it always confused me when you guys would say that you had to stop by the drug store and pick up snacks”. Chemist stores in Australia sell strictly pharmaceuticals, not ice cream and liquor like we do in the U.S. I found it funny and then laughed more when I understood the dirty truth of it. Yeah, drug stores sell drugs, the pharmaceutical companies push them and the government backs them, getting their lobbyist cut. Yeah, we have a drug cartel in our country and it doesn’t come from over the border. At least big business had the gall to call it what it is having gotten away with it for so long.

December 5, 2018 0

Day 123

Went to Lake Leschenaultia. A very serene place, very quiet and just beautiful. I got the chance to walk around the lake, about a 3km walk. Very easy, flat trail.

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December 3, 2018 0

Day 122

Yes, I’m drinking again. I was sober for about 23 days. Not bad. Here I am, relaxing on the veranda with a glass of dry white that I picked out from Italia Vineyard in Swan Valley. I smell like mosquito spray and my skin is stained with grease and paint. I have wood chips in my hair, but the wine tastes so much better for it. Here’s to being done with the day!

I haven’t really talked a lot about my wwoofing experience. I knew I was supposed to learn a lot about farming and the like, but I ended learning more about Australian slang, different recipes, Australian immigration and politics, etc. I learned that Australia only recognizes two types of chili peppers: red and green. These two only come in fresh or pickled. Everything is a chutney! It was really difficult to make mole, a Mexican chili and chocolate dish. My wwoof host and I went to about 10 stores and found nothing, I had to settle for jars of chipotle in adobo sauce…I think it was too spicy for everyone! It’s been fun trading recipes; showing Australia how awesome Mexicans are one brown person at a time!

Most importantly, I’ve had the chance to reflect on my life and soul. I’ve had the time to recalibrate my senses and perceptions. For example, when I find people have a difference in politics or something, I don’t just get angry and argue that they’re not right; I actually find it interesting to see how a person could’ve gotten to that opinion. No one is right or wrong. Everyone has their reasons, it’s just having the patience to try and understand them.

I’ve also had a lot of time to reflect on my relationships with people. With my latest breakup, it was difficult to say the least. Can’t say that I’m over it, but I’m seeing it more clearly for what it was and is now. I’ve learned something about what to do and not to do for the next time, so I guess it wasn’t all bad.

December 3, 2018 0

Day 117

Sunrise walk. Caught the remnants of a full moon. Lots of energy. Lots still to see.

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November 26, 2018 0

Day 116

Full moon tonight in WA

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November 23, 2018 0

Room for Hurt

Part 1

Feeling like I’m losing my passion, the energy is leveling. The spirit hibernating, unmoved by the lack of new. Wondering what the future holds when I’m trudging along, lazy to look, but pleasantly subdued by the hue of progress…the shade of absence. The endless wheel that turns in different locations/situations. It takes practice to be present. Facing forward, looking back…tiring to be. Living in extremes. The wheel turns. The haze of depression, the rust of hurt, the itch of restlessness.

Everything should be great, everything should be, but I can’t fight the feelings. In my head, I imagine a white room, beautifully pristine, open, bright, yet with every breath the room gets smaller and smaller. A closet. My breathing is labored, choked tears. Fighting back. I can’t help the way I feel, I grab a glass and throw it. The sound is relieving. I grab anything and everything. Throwing, smashing, overturning. WHY?! Screaming wordlessly, body tense and shaking. He promised! PROMISED!!! Doesn’t that mean anything to anyone anymore–to HIM!!?

….It did for me.

I find bottles I’ve stashed in corners. I push aside the glass and lay down, drinking till the room spins, the wheels turning, and I feel like a space cadet strapped to lead weights. I love swimming. I swim alone. Once again.

I try so very hard to fight/enjoy the urge to drink it/all down, the bite reminds me to breathe and let go, but I try hold my lunch.

But promises are broken, I tell my turning stomach.

Part 2

The days slipping. I swim until I’m no longer moving. The room settling. The wheel returned. I grope around…drink? Him? A friend? All remnants. I pick myself up, looking at the mess I’ve made/become. All too familiar. I dust myself off and walk out of the room and into the hall where bright lights sting my raw eyes. How will I ever get used to this? I have. I will. I gingerly close the door. As I come back to myself, the aching breath that I’ve held in escapes.

The wheel resumes.

Make room for Hurt. Hurt comes uninvited, but it does need your permission to run rampant.

November 23, 2018 0

Day 115

Drove through part of Swan Valley, the vineyard row of West Australia. My WWOOF host and I were looking for an Italian vineyard that sells really good port by the gallon. Eventually, we found the place–Vino Italia, founded in 1954 by the man in the picture when he was 21. Unfortunately, I forgot his name, but he’s very talkative with funny stories and great wine making skills.

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November 23, 2018 3

Day 107

Remembrance Day at King’s Park. Poppies were crotchet across the country for the 100th anniversary. At the King’s Park memorial there were 61,513 poppies, one for every fallen soldier, past and present.

Later on, I was shown around the city of Perth were I got to see part of the Botanical Gardens, the Bell tower, Elizabeth Key, Elizabeth Quay Bridge, Matagarup Bridge, and the new stadium.

November 19, 2018 0

Day 106

Been down, feeling in a funk. I guess it’s because the loneliness has finally hit me. Here in Australia, I’m not distracted by new sights and the freedom to move around and so I find myself alone with my thoughts more than ever. Not saying I don’t like where I am, it’s just that the hurt from being left to do this trip alone has finally sunk in. My best friend made me a promise to come with and failed to keep it. No explanation. Nothing. I hoped this would be a restart; a new beginning. An opportunity to get over all the hurtful history between us and a chance to leave harmful habits behind, but I guess I was the only one with that idea in mind. Can’t hate him too much for not coming. This was always my journey to make.

I distract myself with small tasks and gardening. After several months, I now have access to a kitchen. Cooking certainly helps. Today, I was lazy. Tried hiding from the outside world. I finally slapped myself into taking a walk. I took pictures of the yard and some parts around the neighborhood. The fresh air certainly made a difference. Somehow, my troubles seemed silly compared to the beauty around me. From that day, my mood has changed significantly thanks to a camera and a walk.