Day 75

How I would like to express my disappointment:

The beach is beautiful, the sun is hot,

nothing would be more pleasant than some shave ice,

So sweet, so cold

The perfect compliment to the day,

And here you come, two cones in hand

promising

One for me, one for you.

The dream come true,

the ice sparkling with the joyful energy of our excited laughs,

relaxed in the thought that I couldn’t have enjoyed this more with anyone else.

And as I am about to take the first bite,

You smack it right out of my hands

And proceed to smile and eat your own,

Oblivious

To the settling loss in my stomach.

So sweet, so cold.

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Day 74

I am a woman who runs with wolves,

howling

to the moon,

to the others

transcending levels of fear;

opal eye

pulsating

to the deep, unknown

crevices, prodding

with curious attention,

getting stronger and wilder

with each passing day,

full moon eclipsing

my anxiety, replacing

the day with insatiable energy,

radiating

a need to fill the void

that shrinks as it grows

Cycles upon cycles,

Red tide reaching, warning

That i owe it my life

 

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Day 73

To my imaginary child named Charlie O’Malley,

Give, not get

Have a pity party, but don’t live one

Judge, only if you judge yourself for doing so

Weep, tears heal (and so do hugs and weed)

Share a bottle of wine with friends/strangers, conversations can be the best memories

Driving and drawing outside the lines are two different things, be free AND smart

Drink to celebrate, not to forget

Forget, if it’s to make room for progress

Fuck, if it’s not to fuck yourself over

Yourself is made up of others

Others just don’t know it, and you don’t either

Don’t live with don’ts, do

Do yourself a favor, stop overthinking

Think simple, think for yourself and for others

Others worth keeping will return the favor

Mind your P’s and Q’s, but “Fuck!” is also fun to use

Keep boundaries, not walls

Be skeptical of the truth; facts can be twisted

The finish line is made up of supporters, not winners and losers

Lose the fears that you can’t explain, they’re not yours

What is yours, never is

Use what you know, and admit that it is nothing

Everything is temporary, so don’t waste anything

When you’re wrong or have wronged others, admit it, even if it takes you a while

Being wrong is temporary, so long as you learn

Love is not easy to find, and sometimes it’s right in your face

When you love someone, say it

Love doesn’t control, guilt and insecurities do

Love is letting go too

Speak with the mind if your heart agrees, but follow your gut

No seriously, follow your gut…sharts are real

If you can, carry an extra pair of clothes, a piece of chocolate, and your truth,

You never know when you or someone else will need them.

Life is like this letter, a work in progress

Keep growing like you always have, inside and out

I will always be proud

Don’t let others control your life, but fuck you if you dare to throw out this letter.

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Day 61

The energy is overwhelming, my soul is being called. The moon follows me, patiently guiding me with a radiant golden eye, while the sun keeps a vigil eye on my future, surrendering me to dreams. Closer and closer, brighter and brighter they are, pulling me to the other side, the ripples of the water, the jagged peaks of the mountains, an inviting challenge. I can’t speak or see, without being there, anywhere. No plans, but to get there, to the unknown i crave. Accepting my inability to stay anywhere for long as a gift, not a curse. An unknown calling to accept my fear as excitement, as a motivator, my anger as a breath held in for too long, frustratingly ready to jump, to laugh with uncontrollable freedom. To be found in the sublime of Mother Earth’s third eye, between the present and the future.

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Day 60

16 days from now

Untamed

Dreams of Bali

Become reality

One step

60 days ago

Became a lifetime of progress

Of freedom

Of happiness  

Of living

Beyond the walls

Of my frightened mind,

Of my shortsighted family,

Of negative people.

Fuck the restraints

Of living by the book

Of making others happy,

Of selling yourself short.

Life goes on

With or without

YOU,

Life is not a given,

To live, you must participate

You must accept yourself

To change

The past, the generations

Who have struggled to get YOU here,

To/the present

The future

Of your tribe.

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Day 50

The midnight rain,

The tears,

The hopes and dreams

I held for others

run down the gravel hill

Of Makiki street

Scraping and tumbling  

Down the drain

To the blue-grey waves

Below the lamp post lights

The waves  

lapping up

the endless generations  

Of sorrow, confusion, anger

The cocktail

that drains

down

Makiki street

In my dreams

I float right around

Right down the drain

With it,

With them

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Day 16

Write,

Right,

Wrong

To doubt

our human condition; our propensity to discover ourselves through others; through the compassion of conversation, through the empathy of vocabulary. Writing the wrongs to give birth to the insight of connectivity; to encourage the idea that humanity and society are made separate by choice, by the means of his/her/our neglect. We use one another to survive, we use one another to thrive. A simple enough exchange, yet we abuse one another to fill the void of connectedness

Or so we think, blindly

Unaware of the energy of life.

 

Who are you

 

To think that you are separated

From the ties of the Earth?

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Floating

A crescent reflection

      On a

            Shallow sea pool,

              A moon beam dream

          That echoes through a past life,

     A mariner’s teasing rhyme

 

 Silent sky, glittering with promise

        Eyes closed to the hum of the wind

             Ears inhumed in the chest of Mother Earth herself,

          The cacophony of each heartbeat,

      muted beneath the weight of the waves,

A baptism in the life-blood of her will

   In

           And

                          Out

                                 In

                    And

        out

    The night glow glistening

        On floating breasts

            The ocean breathes you

                   In

                         And

                         Out

                     In

               And

        Out

   The water’s salty embrace

Filling your bellybutton pool,

     Emptying between your thighs

        Not a moment’s rest

            As you ride the tide

        In

  And

Out

         In

              And

         Out

    Your body salaciously surrendered,

Resting on Mother’s tongue

    Fingertips gently bobbing,

         Grazing the pounded sand below.

    From rock to sand to dust,

We all go

                     In

         And

                    Out

           In

                                  And

                                                       Out

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