Media is a Tool, Not a Lifestyle

I blame the American dream. I blame capitalism and the idea of materialism that it has naturalized in our lives, growing worse and worse with each generation. Not even, every year a new gadget comes out, a new tv show about the Kardashians, or a magazine that extorts and builds upon these materialistic needs perpetuated by insecurities of class, appearance and media “status”. As much as many would like to go to a store and pick a perfectly gift wrapped life, it doesn’t work that way. We all know that, I thought, but I had to leave California to realize that maybe people don’t. Wandering through different countries, cultures, and conversations has made me realize how toxic, subconsciously and not, my homestead was.

We should all be ashamed. It’s disgusting how we’ve let something like media become our life. Technology is a tool, helpful when it wants to work, but I believe it’s damaged our sense of community, of social skills and disconnected us as much as we’ve tried to connect with others. We’ve exchanged the real for the virtual. George Carlin, a favorite comedian of mine, said it best in his essay “The Paradox of Our Time” where he wrote: “We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication….We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life; we’ve added years to life, not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor….a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.”

The essay is a quick read and worth it. George Carlin’s words should sink in, but to most they won’t or they’ll never hear/read them. What matters is lost or simply replaced with a cheap imitation.

As much as I seem to be putting down the use of media, it has also served as a ironic conduit for change. During this covid-19 outbreak and lockdown, people have been forced onto media outlets being physically unable to see one another. It helped several people connect and remember the fragility of life and one’s self. However, it became clear that technology as much as we believed or hoped it would be, failed in replicating the presence of the people we missed. People who weren’t friends even began to miss each other. The clerk at the local dairy was finally someone to be recognized and appreciated. The forced distancing made us crave contact even with strangers, despite or weariness of the virus. We are social creatures, yes, but there’s nothing like a simple sit-down-and-chat. I hope that we’ve seen through the media guise and learned or at least remembered to appreciate the power of physical contact and verbal communication.

Don’t forget to be Human.

“The Paradox of Our Time”

By George Carlin

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time;

We have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life; we’ve added years to life, not life to years.

We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.

We’ve conquered outer space, but not inner space.

We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.

We’ve split the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less.

We plan more, but accomplish less.

We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait.

We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships.

These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.

These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw-away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Essay cited from https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-paradox-of-our-time/

Day 213: Boxes for Boxes

“You’re homeless, isn’t that scary?” “What if…?” “Where will you go?” What uncertainty, what awe, but more so what fear. Everyone repeats the dream aloud, “Oh, I wish I could…” as if the longing for freedom is a ridiculous gesture. The weight of self-appointed responsibilities, some important, but most are inflated excuses mounted high on a pedestal. Life remembers those who live, those who try, and those who are kind. Life is not a rehearsal. Life is not just existing, churning out another day like a cog in the machine. Don’t surrender. Don’t give up.

Now let me ask you, what is a home?

I’ve lived in between four walls here and there, but never have I believed any of them to be my home. Most will live their entire lives in boxes: house, apartment, mall, office, bar, gym….one box to the next. Afraid to die, yet preparing themselves for the everlasting pine box.

What is a home?
What is
Just materialism and baggage, excuses
And complacency? 

I understand the need for security, safety and comfort, but I question whether we gave ourselves the chance to find those qualities in ourselves before searching them out in a material box. I’m not saying give everything up or that your lifestyle is wrong. I simply want to make you pause for a moment of reflection; for you to recognize your part in the world, locally and not. Whether you are a slave, a participant or just well accustomed to normalization. Maybe this rant will make you appreciate what you do have. No lifestyle is wrong, per say, but I believe the lack of self-reflection is a common error in most people.

Dare to think.

I heard somewhere that it is far more difficult for a woman to leave her life and obligations, because of the responsibilities we are trained as children to be a part of: caring for others, family, parents, kids, the household…. We can’t escape the subconscious pull of traditions. Many have approached me in awed terror, wondering how I’ve managed to survive on my own and make it this far without the aid of a man or a tour group to keep me safe. I have traveled with others as much as I have traveled on my own. The fear that once plagued me, returns in small bouts here and there, but I just smile and nod to these curious people and in my head I say: I do it for you.

Day 192

Above: These are the best pictures from that day. Below: Here are the rest, which I love as well too.

Day 2 of the road trip. Leaving Lake Pearson for the Waimakariri River. The river is one of the major three that drains the southern alps.

Day 188

I’ve been afraid of many things. Many of them I have worked myself through. Some fears I am still working on. To be free, is to be vulnerable. These words have been a mantra playing in the background of my thoughts, reassuring me when I make decisions to help myself. It has allowed me to share my feelings with a level head. This mantra has allowed me to be happy. It’s a silly idea to have to give yourself permission to be happy, but it’s true. I share this with the hope that someone will relate, that they will see an opportunity to help themselves and take it.

Then again, I don’t know anything. As much as I like to share my opinions and have the habit of acting like I know what I’m doing, I have to check myself. My opinions are simply that, opinions. My future is as solid as it is malleable. Adaptable. What I believe can be and should be questioned; what is the point of faith if it can’t be? I’m not religious by any means, but I do believe in myself and the ones I love. I’m proud of the fact that it is a short list. I love them all the more for it. I’m not lonely when the world is embracing me and I it.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson said quite nicely that we are made up the same elements, the most important being oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, and nitrogen. All of these elements are present in you as they are present in everything else in the universe. In a way, we are all special because we are all the same thing, we are all a different face to the same creating force.

Of course, love and life show themselves in different degrees. I love conversations with strangers. I love the fact that we all come from different backgrounds and can talk with a mutual respect and patience for our varied thoughts. I love how we can connect through our vigour for life, another face of the life force. I never thought I’d find myself saying anything like this. I dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression. I didn’t really help myself by drinking all the time. I won’t apologize for my need to escape, but I will for how I went about it. I’m glad I’ve reconnected with writing and found photography; they’ve been my outlets. Now that I’m on the move again. I have to hold onto these outlets all the more. Losing myself is easy, especially when I know better. I’m thankful to my Aus fam, it’s been an amazing, eye-opening experience, a rehab for the soul. I don’t think they’ll ever really understand what feeding chickens and pulling weeds did for my sanity. I still don’t know the extent of such a change, but I feel alive. I have never felt this way. I have never felt so free in my body, so free in my thoughts and emotions. I don’t cringe when I feel–feel anything! I only knew two emotions growing up: anxiety and anger. Hard to have a happy memory or live in the moment, because I was too attached to the past. I was too afraid of losing a good memory or having it taken away that I was busy looking over my shoulder rather than enjoying what was in front of me. I was the only one sabotaging my happiness and that’s a big part of freedom and happiness, accountability. I don’t think you can take charge of your life and accept change while living in denial and blaming everyone else. Excuses, they’ll be the death of you if you let them.

The universe gives you signs daily and most of the time, we’re so caught up in ourselves, in our problems and routine to see them, to do anything about them. I am fortunate enough to have the space to chisel away at the woodwork that is my life. Chipping away until I’ve found the heart and soul of my existence. I’m happy knowing I can put a finger on it say, that’s mine and I’m never losing it. My happiness is mine. I will share it with those who would share theirs, but I will never compromise my happiness and those who love me will never ask me to. My happiness includes them, my happiness is made greater by helping others. My happiness is your laugh.

I’m a proud little speck of dust.

Day 180

Australia Day! I’m behind on posting my pictures, but this was the 26th of January. There was a parade that finished at the botanical garden park. There was food, vintage cars, music, and a ton of people. It was a very emotional day, because it was my last day in Australia after nearly three months. I was leaving for Christchurch, New Zealand the same day.

Day 167

I’ve put myself through a lot of self reflection in the last few months. It’s been emotional, to say the least, but I am proud to have gone through it. I’ve learned to handle my feelings better by understanding where my anxieties and insecurities have come from. It was tough accepting my own faults, but I’m better for it having had the space to focus on what matters. I was also dealing with my relationships and sorting out those who I love from those who would do me more harm.

My playlist in Australia:

Brian Hyland- Gypsy Woman

Simon & Garfunkel- El Condor Pasa

The Cars- I’m Not The One

Looking Glass- Brandy

Elise Trouw- Burn

ODESZA- Just a Memory feat. Regina Spektor

Chris Stapleton- Tennessee Whiskey

Helen Reddy- I Am Woman

Tom Misch- It Runs Through Me

Kings of Convenience- Boat Behind

Portugal. The Man- Feel it Still

Tash Sultana- Jungle

Ben Folds Five- The Last Polka

The Black Keys- Weight of Love

Akron/Family- River

Dan Croll- From Nowhere

Cymande- Dove 

Beach House- Space Song

Flora Cash- You’re Somebody Else

Queens Of The Stone Age – Make It Wit Chu (Virgin Magnetic Material Remix)

Half Alive- Aawake at Night 

Sarah Bareilles- Sweet As Whole

Day 166

What to do with the wind? I sit in it until I build up a laughter. I stand, bracing the impact, listening to the whispers flying by, tempted to sit back down, knowing better. I let the brewing heat in my chest slip past my lips, my shrill scream turns into a coarse howl. What else can I do, but embrace it all.

The Lake that is my Life

I live in a world so much like the surface of a lake. Everything looks so transparent and simple, beautiful. I can see ten years into my future, yet when the wind blows, I don’t know what to do with myself. Everything seems so fragile.

I feel like a lot of my pain has washed right into this lake of mine. As much I try to rid myself of it all, of my past, I have to be standing in it to see myself, it’s hard to look sometimes, I get trapped looking at the murky edges, but it’s gotten easier. I truly love what I see now. I’ve seen the serenity that can be and what I can share, but most importantly who I should bother to share it with and how. It’s all a work in progress.

A big part of me is afraid that I’ll have to relearn every lesson. I’m really afraid of that. I didn’t leave to have to go through it all again like a broken record. I love who I am now, it’s not perfect, not even close, but fucking-A, if I can jump into that lake and not drown in it, there’s hope. I guess what I’m saying is that the spontaneous, unpredictability of choices and life–that excited skipped beat, the second guess right before you jump, leaves me to believe that anything is possible and it can be all be beautiful, you just have faith and no expectations. So here I am. I’m rebuild that bridge, learning not to test it, but to have faith. To have faith in you, in life, in your word, knowing I may be wrong for doing so, but I’ve been afraid for too long. I hate being told what to do and I won’t let my fears control my life any longer.

Now, what can you bring to the table?

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